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RELATIONSHIP AND LOVE

Posted by Uche in Sunday, February 28th 2010    
categories: Dating     Tags: DATING TIPS, love, RELATIONSHIP TIPS
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Whether you can feel happy in a relationship while also not feeling loved probably depends on three things:
1. Just how much you need to feel loved
2. What kind of love you’ve got in mind.
3. Exactly how unloved you actually feel in the relationship
With regard to the matter of what you want to feel loved, some people need to feel loved a lot more than others do. Then, too, there are people who might not need to feel loved more than anyone else does but who won’t feel loved unless a partner is actually doing something to make him/her feel loved.
For the one who doesn’t care a whole lot of about who loves him/her and who doesn’t need constant reassurance of being loved, being in a relationship that is simply friendly and pleasant may be enough. On the other hand, if an individual is someone who needs constant reassurance that a partner loves him/her, but has a partner for whom such constant reassurance doesn’t come naturally, that person is unlikely to be happy not matter how loved he/she actually is.
Then there is the matter of exactly what sort of love you’ve got in mind. There are many kinds of love, and only one involves being “in love” or romantic love. The world is filled with people in relationships in which each person cares deeply about, and also treasures, the other – and yet neither could say he/she is “in love” with the other person. We hear on a regular basis that people should marry their best friends, and best friends usually care very much about one another. For the one that is only keen on being “in love” or in romantic love, not having that is definitely more likely to eventually result in feeling that something is missing.
Whenever a partner may care deeply but doesn’t feel romantic love, some people simply adjust. Some partners simply pretend. How happy either partner can feel probably depends more on the other good things they share in their relationship, rather than just on the absence of “grand, romantic, love”.
The third factor is exactly how unloved you are feeling in any relationship. You will discover relationships that aren’t quite what someone had wished they would be, but aren’t horrible. There will always be husbands who no longer bring flowers or wives who no longer have time to pack a special lunch with a note, and that kind of thing can be the beginning of not feeling quite as loved any longer.
Alternatively, there are partners who become overcome with resentment at the presence of a partner they no longer love, and whom they could blame for having become “so unlovable”. When the resentment builds to the point where a partner starts to indicate contempt (and worse), the kind of “feeling unloved” the other will experience goes beyond not getting flowers once in a while.
If contempt, resentment, and lack of respect grow too overwhelming a partner’s behavior can become abusive (or they at least share some behaviors with abusive partners); however the irony is that while abusive (or borderline abusive) behavior could be very damaging to the one who takes the brunt of it, some abuse victims actually feel loved on some level. When cruelty comes more from a resented, empty, relationship; even the partner who doesn’t particularly care about feeling loved will begin to lose self-esteem (which, of course, is a cause of severe unhappiness).
Contempt and resentment don’t always show up in big, abusive, ways, though. Sometimes they show up in several, many, small ways over the course of a day. It can be difficult for even the toughest of thick-skinned people to stay happy when “attacks” seem to keep coming all through the day, every day, over an extended period of time.
I once read that of all the different types of love we, humans, experience, there are a couple of things that must be present if any love is to be considered “genuine” and whole.
One of those things is admiration. When we love someone we view them, and think of them, with admiration, irrespective of  anything else that may be showing up at the time.
The other, and possibly most important, ingredient to genuine, whole, love is respect. That does not mean respecting someone for being nice but not respecting them as an equal. It doesn’t mean respecting them for being pretty or handsome, but not respecting anything else about them. Neither does it mean respecting someone for their intelligence but having little or no respect for other things about them. Respect, alternatively, is not about scaring someone into not talking freely. When we are seen by someone with genuine and whole respect it is a nurturing thing, and when someone only respects one thing about us, or nothing about us, it is very destructive to a soul.
Respecting someone else means seeing them as a person, just as we are; and it means seeing them as a person who is every bit as “equal” and important as we are. Respect doesn’t involve looking at someone who has flaws or has failures and assuming they’re the results of his inferiority. It is about taking a look at someone with flaws and failures and believing that – underneath what’s on the surface – there is a capable, whole, decent, human being who has experienced challenges that we have not.
Whether we are able to happily live without the admiration of a partner may depend on how much admiration we need from other people; but whether we can be pleased with a partner who does not respect us, as human beings, is a question to which the only answer would seem to be “no”.
I think that a lot of people can be happy in a relationship even if they don’t feel loved; but I think they need to have most of the other aspects of their life in good shape, as well as having most of the other positive things that can make a relationship feel caring and solid in its own way. It’s one thing to feel cared about, liked, or respected – but just not loved.
On the other hand, when “not being loved” really means being truly disliked, or even hated; when contempt, disrespect, hostility, and even disgust are demonstrated toward us regularly, then I don’t think it’s possible to be the least bit happy – except, of course, when the partner is not around.
Whether you can feel happy in a relationship while also not feeling loved probably depends on three things:
ending relationship web
1. Just how much you need to feel loved
2. What kind of love you’ve got in mind.
3. Exactly how unloved you actually feel in the relationship
…Click here to read more
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LOVE EXPRESSION

Posted by Uche in Saturday, February 27th 2010    
categories: Romance     Tags: bringing the best out in relationship, Dating, DATING ADVICE, DATING TIPS, family, first long distance relationship, Friendship, happiness, help, how to, LIFE AND LOVE, MAKING RELATIONSHIPS WORK, making your relationship work, nigerian love forum, relationship
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Everyone loves to be loved, and we all feel love differently. I feel loved when my husband helps out with the kids and the house or plans a getaway for just the two of us. Like most men, my husband likes to be shown love physically. Make a point this Valentine’s Day to express your love for that special someone in a way that will make him or her feel treasured. Some of these ideas are romantic gestures while others are just little things you can do each day that will make a big difference to your companion. …Click here to read more

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VALENTINES DAY

Posted by Uche in Sunday, February 14th 2010    
categories: Dating     Tags: Dating, love and life, RELATIONSHIP TIPS, staying happy, VALENTINE DAY
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val dayValentine’s Day can be one of the most expensive holidays. It is the holiday that you are supposed to say “I love you” to your significant other. To many people this means spending big bucks. Because the more you spend the more you love them, right? Wrong! Showing someone you care on Valentine’s Day does not have to cost a lot of money. The first thing to do is to think about what this person really likes. Personally I like chocolate. And flowers. Notice I didn’t say fancy, expensive chocolate or red roses. Any kind of dark chocolate (about $2) and a small bunch of flowers from the grocery store ($8) and I will be pretty happy. So basically my husband can make my day for about $10. I bet you can do the same! Here are some ideas. 1. Put together a box of this person’s favorite things. For my husband this would be licorice, popcorn, Sam Adams beer and a bicycling magazine. It could be anything. You more than anyone will know their favorite things, so surprise them by getting them all together. The small things, that is. You can’t purchase diamonds on a budget. People feel very loved when they know that other people pay attention to the small things about them. 2. Bubble bath and candles make a great gift. This will be relaxing and romantic all at the same time. 3. Take the day off of work to spend with them. This would work especially well if this person doesn’t work. If they do, you might need to do some arranging with their employers, which could be hard to do and might not go over very well. But how wonderful for someone to know that you took a day off of work just to spend it with them. 4. Cook them their favorite meal. 5. Leave them love notes – all over. On the bathroom mirror, in their car, in their lunch, on the newspaper, etc. …Click here to read more

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TIPS FOR A HAPPY MARRIAGE

Posted by Uche in Saturday, February 6th 2010    
categories: Marriage     Tags: been happy in your marrtiage, DATING TIPS, having a happy marriage, how to have a happy marriage, love tips, married life, relationships
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marriageA happy marriage seems to only exist in fairy tales in today’s world. The divorce rate is rising each year. If you ask the average married couple, they will admit that divorce has crossed their minds many times. Men are looking for wives who won’t nag and actually understand them. Women are looking for husbands who are sensitive to their needs and actually understand them. In the end both parties of a marriage are looking for the same thing: a happy relationship. But how can a marriage survive much less be happy in this day and age? Much of it means coming back to the basics of human relationships. 1. Communication The biggest success indicator in any relationship (personal or professional) is good communication from all parties. Looking at the bare basics of it, communication does not involve just talking to someone or keeping them up to date on things. These are important parts, but communication goes much deeper than that. If you’ve never taken a speech/communication class, you should. You begin to learn that communication might involve you speaking, but that is only the beginning. Person A speaks – communication begins. Person B listens (not just hears). Person B communicates verbally or physically that they understand what Person A said (either by acting out or repeating what THEY understood Person A said). If Person B did not understand correctly, Person A would restate in a different manner. If Person B did understand correctly, communication was successful. Words are not merely spoken. They need to be UNDERSTOOD. Parties in a successful marriage not only talk to the other person (instead of assuming that they can read minds) but also listen to what the other person says. Listening involves paying close attention to what is being communicated instead of concentrating on what the reply is going to be. …Click here to read more

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REASONS YOU SHOULD STAY AWAY FROM MARRIED MEN

Posted by Uche in Monday, February 1st 2010    
categories: Marriage     Tags: affair, DATING ADVICE, exytramarital affairs, how to, INFIDELITY, love and life, married man, married women, RELATIONSHIP TIPS
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cheatingHe is handsome, he is charming and he is taken… Every year countless women trip into the big triangle trap of falling in love with a married man. Some women Will back off as soon as they notice the ring or see him with his wife or just sense any clue that tells them he is married. Other women though perhaps looking for that “adrenaline rush” will hold on and start or continue the relationship regardless of his marital status.

…Click here to read more

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15 WAYS TO SAY I LOVE YOU.

Posted by Uche in Saturday, January 30th 2010    
categories: Marriage     Tags: bringing the best out in relationship, Dating, DATING ADVICE, DATING TIPS, family, friendhip, Friendship, happiness, how to have a happy marriage, how to make a long distance relationship work, LIFE AND LOVE, love and life, MAKING RELATIONSHIPS WORK, making your relationship work, MARRIAGE TIPS, nigerian love forum, RELATIONSHIP TIPS, true love
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marriage2To keep romance alive and nurture the intimacy in your marriage, you’ll want to know a number of ways to express your feelings to your spouse.

There are certainly times when you’ll want to put a significant amount of time and energy into a project that shows your love for your spouse in a major way, such as planning a surprise birthday dinner party that includes family and friends or a new deck that you spend several weekends building.

But it’s also important for you to know a number of smaller gestures you can make to convey loving feelings on a frequent basis. Little expressions of love and appreciation add up over time and can help ensure that your relationship will keep its special sparkle and glow.

Here are fifteen ways to say “I love you” that you can easily implement even during a busy work week:

1. Blow your spouse a kiss as you walk through the room. Smile, and let your eyes twinkle mischievously. You might remain silent, or you could say something such as, “Catch!” or “This is for you!”

2. Surprise your spouse by kissing the back of his (or her) neck as he sits in a low-backed chair that gives you easy access to his neck, such as a dining room chair or a computer chair. (For an extra reaction, you might lick his neck one or two strokes with your tongue after you kiss it)

3. Give her (or him) a brief neck and shoulder massage.

4. Leave a sweet message on his (or her) voice mail.

5. Send a short but sweet email. (Don’t send your spouse a sexually explicit email at work. Save those for his or her personal email account.)

6. Write a one sentence note that describes a specific trait or quality that you love about your spouse, such as “I love your beautiful blue eyes that remind me of the sea.”

Or you could write, “I love your fabulous shoulder muscles that make you look so strong and sexy.” Put this note in your spouse’s purse, lunch, or brief case, or on his (or her) bed pillow.

7. Give your spouse a lingering, wet kiss, accompanied by a full body hug. (Many relationship gurus advocate that couples do this at least once every day.)

8. Hug your spouse and scratch her back at the same time. If you’re lucky, your spouse will also scratch your back while you’re scratching hers.

…Click here to read more

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STEPS TO A HAPPY MARRIAGE

Posted by Uche in Saturday, January 30th 2010    
categories: Marriage     Tags: Dating, DATING ADVICE, DATING TIPS, family, first long distance relationship, Friendship, happiness, having a happy marriage, how to have a happy marriage, HOW TO RESTORE A BROKEN RELATION, LIFE AND LOVE, long distance relationships, love, MAKING RELATIONSHIPS WORK, marriage counselling, marriage rings, marriage wishes, Relationship issues, relationships, true love
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marriageA happy marriage seems to only exist in fairy tales in today’s world. The divorce rate is rising each year. If you ask the average married couple, they will admit that divorce has crossed their minds many times. Men are looking for wives who won’t nag and actually understand them. Women are looking for husbands who are sensitive to their needs and actually understand them. In the end both parties of a marriage are looking for the same thing: a happy relationship.

But how can a marriage survive much less be happy in this day and age? Much of it means coming back to the basics of human relationships.

1. Communication

The biggest success indicator in any relationship (personal or professional) is good communication from all parties. Looking at the bare basics of it, communication does not involve just talking to someone or keeping them up to date on things. These are important parts, but communication goes much deeper than that. If you’ve never taken a speech/communication class, you should. You begin to learn that communication might involve you speaking, but that is only the beginning. Person A speaks – communication begins. Person B listens (not just hears). Person B communicates verbally or physically that they understand what Person A said (either by acting out or repeating what THEY understood Person A said). If Person B did not understand correctly, Person A would restate in a different manner. If Person B did understand correctly, communication was successful. Words are not merely spoken. They need to be UNDERSTOOD. Parties in a successful marriage not only talk to the other person (instead of assuming that they can read minds) but also listen to what the other person says. Listening involves paying close attention to what is being communicated instead of concentrating on what the reply is going to be. Humans were created with two ears and only one mouth. Therefore, listening should be done twice as often as speaking.
…Click here to read more

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HOW TO IMPROVE YOUR RELATIONSHIP(TIPS FOR WOMEN)

Posted by Uche in Sunday, January 24th 2010    
categories: Woman     Tags: DATING ADVICE, DATING TIPS, family, Friendship, happiness, how to, how to have a happy marriage, LIFE AND LOVE, MAKING RELATIONSHIPS WORK, RELATIONSHIP AND LOVE, Relationship issues, tips for women
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independent womanWe see it all over in the media and the fantasies of our own minds: that perfect relationship where nothing ever goes wrong, nobody is ever sad or hurt, and the Princess and her Knight in Shining Armor go riding off into the sunset to live happily ever after. Sadly, reality tells us that this is hardly the case, relationships are like anything, they take real work and effort as well as compromise, honesty, trust and a little bit of tears.

The responsibility for cultivating a real and lasting relationship lies on both parties, typically defined in “male” and “female” roles. These roles have very little to do with gender, most often, and settle more into stereotypes based on societal norms developed over thousands of years. For the sake of the reader, however, I will examine the way a relationship can be improved from the heterosexual stereotypes – and try and inject some of my own personal humor along the way. Ladies, we’ve got a difficult task in front of us. How do we fix all the things we vent about to our friends? In some cases, do we really want to? If you know that the partner you have is one you want to keep, then let’s look at a few ways to improve on some of the things YOU do, but don’t admit to doing.
First off, start admitting your part in difficulties. By taking responsibility for the things you make difficult, the fights you start, the little signs you give that you’re unhappy about something, you can separate yourself from a purely emotional position and begin to analyze solutions to your problems.
Second, express yourself vocally more often. Did something upset you enough that you won’t be ‘over it’ in an hour or so? Talk about it! Sometimes your man does things that he just doesn’t realize hurt you. Don’t worry, you do the same thing to him!
Third, maybe it IS time to wear that outfit that you think is just awful but really gets his eyes twinkling. I don’t care if it is two sizes too small, trashy, or makes your least favorite feature pop into the limelight. You’re not wearing it for yourself.
Fourth, let him do what he wants to do more often! As hard as it may be to believe, you CAN be totally in love with someone and want some alone time or to do something the other doesn’t like at all. Variety is the spice of life, but it’s no good on your omelettes.
Fifth, and this one is a doozy – warn him about your mood swings when you feel them coming on. You want to spend the rest of your life with this guy, right? If you don’t then what the heck are you doing with him? (Unless he’s in his senior years and filthy stinking rich, then we all know why you’re with him. Keep humping sandpaper, Mrs. Digger.)
Sixth, just shut up sometimes. No really, don’t even say anything. You’re witty, you’re pretty, he loves you, but if you say what you’re thinking but really don’t mean then you could start a pattern of meaningless arguments.
Seventh, giving him the cold shoulder will not always work, so don’t do it to spite him – do it to give yourself the time to chew through your emotions and get to a more reasonable mental condition.
Eighth, don’t ask questions you don’t want the honest answer to – and don’t ask loaded questions, he’ll just get them wrong and you’ll be mad. It won’t matter that it’s YOUR fault you’re mad, you’ll project that blame on him and cry about how awful he is to you later.
Ninth, please don’t rush him. More often than not he’s willing to do what you ask of him, but the more you push him, the less he’ll want to do it.
Tenth, if you want to unload and vent about your day but just want him to hear you out and then move on, tell him that! When you talk about things that upset you, his natural reaction will be to go back to the stone age and club/spear/slingshot your enemies to keep his woman safe. Most men don’t understand that you’ll need to get things off your chest then move on with life

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BUILDING TRUST IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP

Posted by Uche in Sunday, January 24th 2010    
categories: Intimacy     Tags: bringing the best out in relationship, DATING ADVICE, DATING TIPS, Friendship, happiness, how to have a happy marriage, LIFE AND LOVE, MAKING RELATIONSHIPS WORK, Marriage, nigerian love forum, RELATIONSHIP TRUST, true love
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trustIf trust in your love relationship has been broken because of infidelity or another betrayal, your situation might feel bleak and even hopeless. You may remember a time when you felt close and connected with this person. Now, that time seems distant. Or it could be that you never felt a strong bond of trust between the two of you. In either case, the kind of relationship that you want to have may appear elusive and even impossible.

In difficult times, it is vital that you stay focused on what you want and also on your next step. If it feels overwhelming to think too far ahead, don’t. You can keep what you want in mind as a goal and then look only as far as your very next decision. Believe it or not, a trust turnaround can happen after a series of seemingly small steps. They all can add up to that relationship you desire– whether it’s …Click here to read more

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SIGNS THAT YOU ARE READY FOR A RELATIONSHIP

Posted by Uche in Sunday, January 24th 2010    
categories: Dating     Tags: Dating, DATING ADVICE, dating online, DATING TIPS, Friendship, happiness, LIFE AND LOVE, MAKING RELATIONSHIPS WORK, respect friendships, starting a new relationship, surviving a long distance relationship, true love
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happy relationshipWithout the latest statistics in front of me, I’m guessing the divorce rate in this country is still about fifty percent. One in two marriages last until one partner or the other dies of old age. So the statistics for a dating relationship even making it to the altar in the first place must be pretty scary!

…Click here to read more

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